What's Gilbert Grape Eating?

This morning I was scheduled to have brunch with my friend, who was running a little late. We were meeting at Felini, this swank little vegan friendly restaurant near my abode. I go there often: a. because I am vegan and I like the selection they have for vegans, and b. I like the atmosphere of the place. It is very retro Italiano with posters of old 1950's movies on the walls, and black and red booths to sit in. This is not an advertisement, it is just my opinion.

I get there a little before ten, which is usual for my neurotic self, and sit at a table for two, where I can watch everyone eat. The other day when I was at home putzing my friend sends me a link to her blog. Now I am not a blogger, and I read very few blogs, so in hearing this you are welcome to stop reading at any point, but having read her blog, I was inspired to write my own. I don't want to go too far into my writing or lack there of, and how I have tried unsuccessfully multiple times to start a journal, but I see this blog as kind of being that. A journal in which I am allowed to pour my thoughts into, and one, which if I don't visit it often, I don't feel bad. So hopefully, g-d willing, this whole blog thing will work for me.

Returning to the story; I was sitting at Felini, watching the many couples and families eat when I notice there are a few people eating by themselves. I have thought about this often, eating by ones' self, but have never actually attempted it. I have come so close as to getting food at a restaurant, but then in the end I chicken out and usually end up getting it to go. The idea of eating food alone at home, although slightly depressing, comforts me much more than the idea of eating at a restaurant alone. I am not sure why this is, possibly because I think that if I do eat alone at a restaurant, I will be seen as being lonely and depressing by other people, whereas if I eat at home alone I will just see myself as being lonely and depressing, but no one else will know. However, after much consideration and thought, actually fifteen minutes of contemplation while waiting for my friend, I realize that these people may not be lonely and depressed, but possibly enjoying their meal alone. Granted I'm sure that there are some people out there who do eat alone who would much rather be eating with someone, but to my surprise not everyone. Sitting at the table alone, although I knew someone was coming to meet me, was quite nice. It gave me time to contemplate these things which I rarely have time to analyze. These people who, at first glance would appear alone are not alone, but in the long run seem comforted by themselves. I actually came to admire them for their courage and self confidence that it must take to motivate one's self to eat alone.

There are different types of people who eat alone. It is not gender specific, racially determined, or prejudice towards different ethnicities. All walks of life (people that is, I am not a scientist, and do not know if certain animals or insects eat only in groups) eat alone. And not only do various ages and ethnicities eat alone, but also, there are different types of alone eaters. There are those who eat alone and choose to bring a book with them or a newspaper to read. I think if I were ever to start eating alone this is what I would do, to ease into the embarassment, rather then to go cold tofurkey so to speak. There are those who talk on their cell phones, so in a sense they are not alone, but talking to someone who just so happens could not be present in the restaurant. In the future maybe there will be virtual dinner dates where you can have a flat screen TV across from you and enjoy a nice meal with someone as you watch them and converse with them via TV. You could even arrange to be eating the same type of food, and maybe family dinners at home could resort to this. It's like a three way call but instead a three way dinner. There are those who are writing or fidgiting with their purses who appear busy and are probably organizing their life in the little time that they have. The writers I suppose could be getting inspiration from being alone like I was. And then there are those who just go to eat alone to enjoy eating alone. They don't need to be doing anything, but just sit there by themselves and eat. I'm sure they are thinking about many things, their lives, other peoples' lives, what they are about to do today, who they are dating, who they want to date, their significant other, and yes you don't have to be alone (relationship wise) to eat alone. These are the people who I thought were lonely but was oh so wrong.

My friend, who showed up after over sleeping, enlightened me on this topic. She eats alone at least once a week. She likes to go to these two specific places and sit at the counter and eat alone. There are times when she will end up talking with the person sitting next to her, but most often it is just her and the plate of food that waits to be consumed. She has a boyfriend and loves him very dearly, but there is that little moment in time where she wants to sit enjoy her meal and not think about anything current that surrounds her. And it is not only something that she does to be free from a relationship for a moment, but it is something she has always done whether in a relationship or not. She likes the routine, the reliability of herself always being there. She doesn't have to worry about whether this person will cancel, or will be late (no harsh feelings towards friend). She doesn't have to be polite when she eats, or wait for the other person to finish before leaving. This is a date with herself. It is something she looks forward to every week. Her eating alone time.

So to all those who eat alone in restaurants I salute you. For your courage and valour. And maybe I too will join those ranks some day now that I have come to realize it is no embarrassment.