The Luck of a Shlamazel

(To begin with, for all those non-Jews out there, a shlamazel is someone who has bad luck.)

I hate credit card companies. Or as my friend would say: Shit. Fuck. I hate credit card companies. You have to forgive her she has turrets. A couple of weeks ago my friend was applying for apartments. To do so, as all renters know, you have to fill out a bunch of forms and paperwork about yourself, and then you have to pay the landlord or whoever 20 dollars so they can do a credit check on you to make sure that you can pay the rent. First of all, I have issues with strange people asking me for all my information including my social security number, my credit card number, where I currently live, and my date of birth. Basically they could become me if they wanted to. That aside, I have problems paying for someone to do a credit check on me when I can have one done for free online. I realize that there are issues of fraud here, that if I fake a credit report and really don't have good credit then it sucks for the landlord to deal with. But I hate it anyway. Alas, though, I was not the one being submitted to such torture, but my friend was.

I thank the heavens that I have rarely had to go through such obstacles and devices as these, but when she was having to deal with all this bull, I realized that I probably don't have any credit formed what-so-ever. I have never had a credit card before in my life. I know this is not a huge burden, in fact having a credit card is probably a bigger burden, but as many people have told me "You should get a credit card so you can start building up your credit." It's not that I have never wanted a credit card before. When I was 12 I believe a credit card was the first thing on my Chanuka present list. (This list, unlike children who celebrate Christmas and send their lists off to Santa Claus, got delivered to my parents months and months in advance, and in turn was passed to my grandparents, and anybody else who was getting me something.) My parents however, thought that a debit card would be good enough for me. I was always a big spender, and when tossed off into the wide world of college, they decided that it would be best if I couldn't spend all that I wanted to but rather, that I could only spend what was in the bank and that's it and that's all. So after four years of debit card prison one slowly begins to get used to it. Just spending what one has. I mean it makes sense... Sort of. And since those four years I never saw the point of getting a credit card 'till now.

Because I am a smart shopper, and it is important to research into such things before making a big commitment like a credit card, I attempted to look online for information about credit cards, the different types, the benefits, the draw backs, the mileage, the cash back, the APR, the annual fee, and everything else that goes along with that tiny piece of breakable plastic. Much to my surprse, (note the sarcasm), it was hard to find said information. In fact every site I went to before I could see what was on the page I was trying to read, an ad would pop up. I would click it closed, and it's like a freaking domino effect, 'cause then a billion other pop up windows would appear. And soon I am swimming in pop up ads and can't find the page that I had originally wanted to go to. It's like looking at a porn site (not that I've ever been to one). Wouldn't that be a wonderful ad for credit card companies. "Visit us online. It's like visiting a porn site, except without the naked women." (What's the point?)

Eventually, I did finally get to a site where I could choose which card I wanted. It was a mileage card. I love to travel and I thought, well here's a card that will let me do that more. I can earn miles while buying other stuff. (Really advertisement doesn't affect me at all.) So I click on the card, holding my breath, scared of the pop ups, and then a big *sigh* when a form opens onto my screen. Yay, forms, they are my friends... At least they are better than pop ups. Of course this is before I start filling out the form. Credit card forms are not just forms, but the daddy of all forms. They not only ask you your name and your birthday, but what you ethnically identify yourself as, whether you are male or female, how tall you are, how much you weigh, who your grandma is, what hospital you were born in, the name of your dog, the list goes on forever, or so it seems. (A little exaggeration, but you get the point.) Finally an hour later the form is filled out, and I am thinking to myself, now I am going to start building credit like an adult, so eventually I will be able to get a loan from a bank, and put a down payment on a house in the Bay Area that I will have to spend the rest of my life, my childrens' lives, and my grandchildrens' lives paying off. A big WHOOPEE! I scroll down to the bottom of the screen and click the submit button. It stalls for a second. Normally in this case, I would click the submit button several times more, but afraid of sending my information out there for the whole world to see, I wait patiently for a new window to appear. In a couple minutes one does. This window says thank you for submitting your application for your citi mileage plus card. We will notify you by mail within fourteen days if your application has been accepted. Fourteen days!? After spending an hour filling out a stupid form I have to wait fourteen days. What a crock! So I wait.



Fourteen days later I get a letter in the mail as promised. We are sorry to inform you but you have been rejected for the citi mileage plus card due to lack of credit. Note that I don't have bad credit, just no credit. So in order to get a credit card I have to have credit, but the whole reason I want a credit card is so I can start building good credit because I have no credit, and credit is necessary for one to buy a house that they will spend the rest of their life paying off. What kind of twisted sense is that. I can understand why certain credit cards, for example, the platinum ones with a high balance, would require one to have some credit, but isn't the whole point of a credit card to be able to have money that you don't have yet, but are going to. So I don't see why you need to have good credit to get one because I would think that a credit card company would want you to not be able to pay them back so they can make loads and loads of money on charging you interest. And then when you can't pay them back and they keep asking for it back finally they get to send a collection agency after you and then the collection agency comes and they take all your belongings and you are taken to jail. That is unless you claim bankruptcy, but we don't like to talk about that.

So on this lovely rainy overcast grey day, I applied for another card. Hopefully this one will work out. It is a student card, and I suppose that students, or at least I would think that students, need not have their credit built up yet. They have not ventured into the world, and are far from owning that house on the hill. Damn credit card companies. Fuck. Shit. I have a secret to tell though, I gave them my own little kick in the ass, I lied about my GPA. I have no GPA what was I supposed to do?...